Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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