Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
