when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
