i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
