i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
