You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
