apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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