Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
