brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
