mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
