Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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