i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
