Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
