opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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