I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
