okay pat passed out under dana's car
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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