Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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