I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
