There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
