Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I die, sorry about rent.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
