Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
