I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
