Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
