i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
