Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The Olympian is in my bed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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