Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
