So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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