The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
