then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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