Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
