Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
