I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize