I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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