The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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