I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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