what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
