i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
