Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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