Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
