Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
