yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
