Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
