He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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