If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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