someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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