Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
