I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She needs sedatives and a leash
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
