Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
