i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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