I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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