Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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