Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
