Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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