im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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