I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
