once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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