we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
