New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
