So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I AM VODKA MAN
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
