Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
