he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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