its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
