you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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