names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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