who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
