I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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