i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
