I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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