i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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