Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
