i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
